Two mothers walking their two young sons along a suburban Colorado sidewalk in autumn, the foothills behind them

LGBTQ+ divorce in Colorado: what’s different, and what to watch for.

The statutes are the same for every couple. The history is not. Years together before the law would let you marry, a civil union that did or did not become a marriage, a child one of you is not biologically related to, and federal systems that still run on their own definition of “spouse”: these are the places a same-sex divorce differs, in plain English, with checklists.

01The short version
02When did your marriage start?
03Your children
04Retirement plans, Social Security, taxes
05Health insurance and benefits
06Immigration, the military, passports
07Custody, safety, privacy
08What Colorado fixed
→What people ask first

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Colorado family law is written for every family now. The cases still carry the years before it was.

If you married after 2014 and both of you are the children’s biological or adoptive parents, your divorce will look like any other in this state, and the page on Divorce in Colorado is the one to read. Most LGBTQ+ divorces are not that simple, and the reasons are practical rather than legal: the couple was together long before the license; there was a civil union first; one parent came into the family through a donor, a surrogate or a presumption; a retirement plan or an insurance company answers to federal law rather than Colorado’s.

This page walks through each of those, says what to watch for, and ends with checklists. The full statement of the law, with the statutes and cases, is on LGBTQ+ Family Law. Everything here is current as of September 2026; the federal side moves, and I re-check it before each update.

A lease, two sets of keys, a photo album and a handwritten note on a table — The years before the license are evidence

2003

The earliest same-sex marriage a Colorado court has recognized

A common-law marriage from a 2003 ceremony, recognized by the Supreme Court in 2021. The date the marriage began is often the case.

30 days

To make your parentage travel

A confirmatory adoption decree within thirty days of a complete petition, no home study, no hearing in most cases.

10 years

The Social Security line

Divorced-spouse benefits need a marriage of ten years. For couples who could only marry in 2014, an earlier common-law date can matter.

The short version: what is the same, and what is not.

One table. The rest of the page explains each row.

	Same or different?	What it means for you
The court and the forms	Same	Same district court, same petition, same ninety-one days, same disclosures
Property, maintenance, support, parenting	Same rules	Applied to your facts; the facts are where the differences live
When the marriage began	Often different	A civil union first, or a common-law marriage before 2015, can move the date by years
Who is a legal parent	Often different	One parent may rest on a presumption or a consent form rather than biology; get the judgment
Retirement plans	Different for civil unions	Federal plans know spouses; they do not know civil-union partners
Taxes	Different for civil unions	Married couples: joint returns and tax-free transfers. Civil unions: single, and transfers may be taxable
Social Security, immigration, the military	Different for civil unions	Marriage counts; a civil union counts for Social Security, not for immigration or military benefits
Health insurance after the case	Sometimes different	Spouses get COBRA; civil-union partners depend on the plan
Custody and safety	Same, by statute	Bias is barred by statute; protection orders and domestic-violence rules apply to every couple

Two questions decide most of these cases. When did the marriage begin? And does your parentage travel? Answer both before anyone files.

When did your marriage start? The question that moves the money.

Maintenance is calculated from the length of the marriage, and property you owned before the marriage is yours. For a couple who could not marry until 2014, the date the marriage began can be worth more than any other argument in the case.

You married, and that was that.

The marriage runs from the date on the license. Years of living together before it do not count toward the length of the marriage, and property either of you bought before it is separate. The only ways to move the date are the two below.

You had a civil union, then married.

The two merged the day you married, and the civil-union years count toward the length of the marriage. One case ends both. If you had a civil union and never married, it is dissolved the same way, and it runs from the civil-union date.

You were married in every way but the license.

Colorado recognizes common-law marriage, and since 2021 a same-sex couple can prove one that began before the state would license it. If you can, the marriage is dated from when it formed. The Supreme Court recognized one from a 2003 commitment ceremony.

A lease signed by two partners, a metal lockbox and a framed photograph of a couple — The evidence of a marriage no one licensed

How you prove a marriage no one licensed.

If you can prove the marriage began in 2005, the maintenance guideline, the separate-property line and the duration factor all change. Gather the evidence before you file.

The test is whether the two of you agreed to be married and then lived that way. No particular form is required. The evidence is the ordinary stuff of a shared life: a ceremony, rings, anniversaries, cards and gifts; joint accounts, jointly owned property, joint tax returns where they were possible; wills, insurance and beneficiary designations naming each other; how you introduced each other; a shared name. The court has said that a same-sex couple’s choice to keep the relationship private is not, by itself, evidence that they did not consider themselves married, and that separate names and separate finances no longer count against a marriage the way they once did.

What to watch for. The spouse who earns more, or who owns the house bought in 2008, will argue that the marriage began with the 2016 license. The spouse who would receive maintenance, or who wants the house counted, will argue for the 2005 ceremony. Decide which you are before you say anything about it in writing, and collect the evidence of the early years now: the photographs, the program, the joint lease, the card that says “happy anniversary.”

What does not work. Living together, however long, does not count by itself, and there is no Colorado decision counting unmarried years toward a marriage. What the unmarried years can still support is a contract or a deed: an agreement about property the two of you built together can be enforced as what it is.

Your children: who is a legal parent, and does it travel.

In most LGBTQ+ families one parent is not biologically related to the child. In Colorado that parent is usually a legal parent anyway. The question is whether every other state, agency and country agrees, and the answer is to get a judgment.

Five ways in, one way to make it stick.

How the second parent became a parent	In Colorado	Elsewhere	What to do
Married or in a civil union when the child was born	Presumed to be a parent, whatever the biology	Most states honor it; some agencies and countries look for biology or a judgment	Get a confirmatory adoption or a parentage judgment
Signed a written consent to assisted reproduction	A parent by statute; the donor is not	A consent form is Colorado law, not a judgment	Keep the consent; get the judgment
Both names on the birth certificate	A record of parentage	A record, not a judgment; can be questioned in another state’s court	Get the judgment
Adopted the child (confirmatory, second-parent or stepparent)	A parent by court decree	Every state must honor the decree	Nothing more; keep certified copies
Raised the child as your own, no marriage, no papers	May be a presumed parent (holding out), on proof	Weakest position; expect a fight	File for parentage or adoption now, before the divorce turns hostile

A judgment is honored in every state because the Constitution requires it. A presumption and a birth certificate are Colorado law and a Colorado record. See confirmatory adoption on the main page for the mechanics; the court must grant it within thirty days of a complete petition, with no home study or hearing unless it orders one for good cause.

What to watch for in the divorce itself.

The biology argument. A spouse who gave birth sometimes argues, once the marriage is over, that the other spouse was never really a parent. In Colorado the presumption and the consent statute answer that, and the Court of Appeals has held that a child can have two legal parents of the same sex. The argument still costs money and months if the non-biological parent has no judgment. If you are that parent, get the decree while you are still on speaking terms, and ask for parenting orders in the divorce as a parent, not as a bystander.

The known donor. A donor is not a parent under the 2022 statute, and genetic tests cannot make him one. An older Supreme Court case involving a known donor and an unmarried mother who agreed he would be the father is still on the books, and how much of it survives is unsettled. If there was a known donor and any conversation about him being involved, tell your lawyer before the other side does.

Embryos. Frozen embryos go first to whatever the two of you agreed at the clinic, and without an agreement to a balancing of your interests. Find the clinic paperwork.

Do now

The non-biological parent.

Get the confirmatory adoption or parentage judgment
Find and keep the written consent to assisted reproduction
Keep the clinic and donor paperwork
Ask for parenting orders in the divorce, as a parent

Do not

Mistakes that cost a parent.

Assume the birth certificate settles it in Utah, Texas or abroad
Wait for the divorce to be over to adopt
Sign anything calling you a “stepparent” or “caregiver” if you are a parent
Move out and leave the children without a written interim schedule

Retirement plans, Social Security, taxes: where federal rules still run on “spouse.”

If you are married, federal systems treat you as spouses, and this section is a short read. If you had a civil union and never married, read every word: Colorado calls you partners with a spouse’s rights, and the federal government mostly does not.

The money rows.

	Married (or civil union merged into a marriage)	Civil union that never became a marriage
Company retirement plans and pensions	Divided by a QDRO like any divorce; federal plans have treated same-sex spouses as spouses since 2013	Federal law lets a plan pay only a spouse, former spouse, child or dependent. A plan may refuse an order naming a civil-union partner. Ask the plan in writing before you settle; plan on other assets
Colorado PERA and other state and local plans	Divided under Colorado law	Colorado law gives civil-union partners a spouse’s rights, so state and local plans follow the same rules
Military retired pay	Divisible under the federal statute	The federal statute speaks only of a spouse or former spouse
Federal employee pensions and the TSP	Divided by court order like any divorce	Spouse only; expect the agency to refuse
Social Security	Ordinary rules: divorced-spouse benefits after a ten-year marriage; survivor benefits	Social Security treats a Colorado civil union as a marital relationship, because Colorado gives partners a spouse’s inheritance rights
Income tax	Joint or separate returns; transfers between spouses in the divorce are not taxed	Single, federally and in Colorado; transfers between you in the dissolution can be taxable
Maintenance	Not deductible and not income since 2019, for everyone	The same, and a new civil union ends maintenance the way a remarriage does

The tax rows are a flag, not advice: a civil-union dissolution with real assets is reviewed by a tax professional before the settlement is signed. The divorce side of that review is on Divorce & Taxes.

Two married men in their forties at a dining table reading a retirement statement together, mountains in the window — Ask the plan before you settle

Three things to watch for.

Married: the federal systems see you. Civil union: Colorado sees you, the IRS and the pension plan may not.

The plan’s definition of spouse. Before you agree to take half of a 401(k) in a civil-union dissolution, call the plan administrator and ask whether it will accept a domestic relations order naming you. If the answer is no, the settlement has to give you something else of equal value, and the tax on that something else has to be worked out.

The ten-year Social Security marriage. A divorced spouse can collect on the other’s record after a marriage of ten years or more. A couple who married in 2015 crosses that line in 2025; a couple who can prove a common-law marriage from 2005 crossed it long ago, and Social Security follows Colorado law on whether a common-law marriage existed. A court finding on the date is worth having for that reason alone.

Survivors who could not marry. After two class actions settled in 2021, Social Security must consider whether a same-sex couple would have married earlier if the law had allowed it before it denies survivor benefits for a marriage shorter than nine months, or for no marriage at all. That is a benefits question, not a divorce question, but it comes up when an older partner dies during a long case.

Health insurance and benefits: who stays covered, and for how long.

Employer plans decide who counts as a spouse and a dependent, and the large self-funded plans answer to federal law, not to Colorado’s insurance rules. Ask the plan; do not assume.

Married

What usually happens.

Your spouse comes off your employer plan when the decree enters, not when you separate
The former spouse can continue the coverage under COBRA for up to thirty-six months, at full cost
The children stay on whichever parent’s plan covers them; the decree says who pays and how the uncovered costs are split
Life insurance and beneficiary designations are changed after the decree, and the decree can require a policy to secure support

Civil union

What to check.

Whether the plan covers a civil-union partner at all, and on what terms
Whether continuation after the dissolution exists: a civil-union partner is not a “qualified beneficiary” under the federal COBRA law, so it depends on the plan
The tax: coverage of a partner who is not your tax dependent is taxed as income to the employee
Whether the children can be added by the parent who is not the biological or adoptive parent: usually only with a judgment

The trap to watch for. A spouse who drops the other from a plan during the case, before the decree, violates the automatic injunction that starts with every Colorado divorce. Keep the coverage until the decree, and get the COBRA notice in writing when it ends. The general rules on support, medical support and insurance are on Child Support and Temporary Orders.

Immigration, the military, passports: three federal systems with their own rules.

Each recognizes a marriage. None recognizes a civil union. One of them, in 2026, does not follow Colorado’s records.

Immigration

Marriage counts; civil unions do not.

Immigration law recognizes a marriage that was valid where it was celebrated, same-sex or not. It expressly does not recognize civil unions or domestic partnerships. A spouse who holds a green card through the marriage should get immigration advice before the divorce is filed, especially during the two-year conditional period, when a divorce changes what has to be shown.

The military

Spouses since 2013; partners never.

The Department of Defense extended benefits to same-sex spouses in 2013. A civil-union partner has no military benefits and no share of retired pay under the federal division statute. The 20/20/20 rules for continued benefits after a divorce count years of marriage, so the date the marriage began matters here too. See Military Divorce.

Passports and records

Colorado and Washington can disagree.

Colorado lets a person change the sex on a birth certificate, and a name change to match gender identity needs no newspaper notice. Since a Supreme Court order in November 2025 let the State Department issue passports showing sex at birth while a case proceeds, a passport and a Colorado certificate can say different things. Change the court order first, then the state records; check the federal policy of the day before applying.

Custody, safety and privacy: the same rules, said out loud.

Three things people fear at the start of a case, and what the law actually says about each.

A closed file folder and reading glasses on a desk, blinds drawn — The file is public; the strategy is not

Custody.

Bias is barred by statute in custody. Protection orders apply to every couple. The court file is public unless you keep the details out of it.

The court decides parenting time and decision-making on the child’s best interests, and the statute tells it to strive not to rely on information or recommendations biased by sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. It may not consider conduct that does not affect your relationship with the child, and it may not presume either parent is the better one because of sex. Custody evaluators are bound by the same rule and may not be trained on discriminatory material. There is no published Colorado appellate decision on a parent’s gender identity, so the statute is the argument. When bias shows up in a report or a courtroom, say so on the record.

Safety.

Colorado’s protection-order and domestic-violence rules are written for every intimate relationship, whatever the sex of the people in it. A same-sex spouse or partner can get a protection order, and the 2026 rules that let a court weigh domestic violence and coercive control in parenting and maintenance decisions apply. See Protection Orders and Domestic Violence & Divorce.

Privacy.

A divorce file is a public court record, and a case can out a spouse to an employer, a church or a family. Financial statements are suppressed, but pleadings are not. Mediation keeps the details out of the file; a stipulated decree says less than a contested one; and a motion to limit access is available in the right case. See Privacy & Discretion and, for the process, Mediation Services.

What Colorado did to make this better, and what it cannot fix.

Colorado spent a decade catching its written law up with the courts. What is left is federal.

2013
Civil unions.
The Colorado Civil Union Act gives partners a spouse’s rights under state law, including in a dissolution.
2014 and 2015
Marriage.
The federal courts end Colorado’s ban in October 2014; Obergefell follows in June 2015.
2016
Merger.
A civil union merges into a later marriage between the same partners, and the civil-union years count.
2019
Records.
Jude’s Law: a birth certificate can be changed without surgery or a court order.
2021
Marriages before the license.
Hogsett restates the common-law marriage test for every couple; LaFleur recognizes a same-sex common-law marriage from 2003. The Surrogacy Agreement Act.
2022
Parentage and Marlo’s Law.
Gender-neutral parentage statutes; a donor is not a parent; a thirty-day confirmatory adoption for parents who are already parents.
2024 to 2026
The clean-up.
The voters repeal the constitutional ban (Amendment J); the legislature deletes the statutory one and restores the common-law clause in gender-neutral words; the custody statute bars bias by sexual orientation and gender identity; licenses are reissued after a name change without being marked amended.

What Colorado cannot fix. The Internal Revenue Code, ERISA, the Social Security Act, immigration law and military law define their own terms, and a civil union is not a marriage under any of them. Colorado can and did give civil-union partners every right the state controls; it cannot make a federal pension plan accept an order. That is why the checklist below asks first whether you married, and why a couple with a civil union and real assets needs advice before either of them files.

What I tell every LGBTQ+ client at the first meeting.

Six things, in the order they come up. Not legal advice for your case; the mistakes I have watched for thirty years.

Across a conference table from her lawyer, a woman listens, a closed folder in front of her, the foothills in the window

Find the first date.
The ceremony, the civil union, the commitment. Decide which side of the date argument you are on before you write anything down.
Collect the evidence of the years before the license.
Joint accounts, deeds, wills naming a spouse, beneficiary forms, cards, rings, the program from the ceremony. All of it is relevant now.
Get the judgment for your children.
A confirmatory adoption is a month of paperwork and produces a decree every state must honor. Do it before the divorce, not after.
Ask the plan before you settle.
In a civil-union dissolution, a retirement plan may not accept an order naming you. Find out in writing, then negotiate.
Get the tax review.
Civil-union partners are single to the IRS and to Colorado. Transfers between you can be taxable. Review the settlement before anyone signs it.
Hold the court to the statute.
Bias about sexual orientation or gender identity is barred in parenting cases, and in evaluators’ reports. Say so, on the record, when it appears.

Six things people get wrong.

Our marriage only counts from the date on the license.

A proved common-law marriage or a merged civil union can date it earlier. Living together alone cannot.

A civil union is basically a marriage.

To Colorado, yes. To the IRS, a company pension plan, immigration and the military, no. That is the whole difference.

My name on the birth certificate protects me anywhere.

A birth certificate is a record. An adoption or parentage judgment is what every state must honor.

The non-biological parent has no rights in a divorce.

In Colorado a spouse or civil-union partner of the parent who gave birth is presumed a parent, and a consent to assisted reproduction makes a parent. The parenting plan is decided on the child’s best interests.

A judge can use my orientation or identity against me.

The custody statute bars it, for the court and for evaluators. There is no Colorado appellate decision the other way.

If the Supreme Court overturns Obergefell, our Colorado marriage ends.

Colorado’s own constitution and statutes now allow the marriage, and federal law recognizes a marriage valid where it was entered. As of September 2026 the Court has declined to hear the challenges.

The checklists, and what to bring.

Before either of you files

Settle these first.

The date: license, civil union, ceremony, and the evidence of the years before the license
Every retirement plan and pension, and who runs it: a company (federal rules), PERA or a city (Colorado rules), the military or the federal government
Whether you married or only had a civil union, and what that does to taxes, the plans and benefits
The children: who is on each birth certificate, any adoption decree, the consent to assisted reproduction, the donor or surrogacy paperwork
Health insurance: whose plan, what kind (insured or self-funded), and what the plan says about partners
Immigration or military status of either spouse
Records to change and in what order: the court order, the state records, then the federal ones

Bring to the first meeting

The record.

The marriage license or civil-union certificate, and anything from a ceremony before it
Two or three years of tax returns, and the beneficiary designations on every account and policy
The children’s birth certificates and any adoption or parentage decree
Clinic, donor and surrogacy agreements
The summary plan description or a benefits statement for each retirement plan
The health-insurance summary and who is covered
Any protection order, and any messages you are worried about

The statutes are the same for every family now. The work is in the history each family brings to them: the first date, the children, and the systems that still ask whether you were married.

Start with a confidential conversation: tell me where things stand →

The questions that fill my inbox.

Is a same-sex divorce different from any other divorce in Colorado?

The law is the same: the same petition, the same ninety-one-day wait, the same rules for property, maintenance, child support and parenting. What is different is the history the case carries. Many couples were together for years before they could legally marry, some had a civil union first, and in many families one parent is not biologically related to the children. Each of those changes the numbers or the paperwork, and this page is about those differences.

We were together for fifteen years but could only marry in 2015. Does the time before count?

Only if a court recognizes a marriage for that time. Colorado recognizes common-law marriage, and since 2021 the Colorado Supreme Court has said a same-sex couple can prove a common-law marriage that began before the state would license one. If you can, the marriage is dated from when it formed, which changes maintenance and which property is marital. Living together alone does not count. A civil union that later became a marriage counts from the civil union.

What is the difference between dissolving a civil union and a divorce?

In Colorado, nothing: the same court, the same forms, the same rules. The differences are federal. A civil union that never became a marriage is not a marriage to the IRS, to a company retirement plan, to immigration or to the military. That affects how the settlement is taxed, how retirement accounts can be divided, and what benefits follow.

I am not the biological parent. Will I lose my children?

Not if the law recognizes you as a parent, and in Colorado it usually does: a spouse or civil-union partner of the parent who gave birth is presumed to be a parent, and a person who consented in writing to assisted reproduction is a parent. Then the parenting plan is decided on the child’s best interests, the same as for any two parents. What you should still do is get the adoption or parentage judgment, because a judgment is honored in every state and a presumption may not be.

Why does everyone say to adopt my own child?

Because a birth certificate is a record and a presumption is Colorado law, but an adoption decree is a court judgment, and the U.S. Constitution requires every state to honor another state’s judgment. If you move, travel, or the other parent files somewhere else, the decree ends the argument. Colorado’s confirmatory adoption takes about a month, needs no home study or hearing in most cases, and the court must grant it within thirty days of a complete petition.

Can my spouse's 401(k) or pension be divided in our divorce?

If you are married, yes, exactly as in any divorce: a court order called a QDRO tells the plan to pay part of the account or pension to you, and federal plans have treated same-sex spouses as spouses since 2013. If you had a civil union and never married, the plan may not accept an order naming you as a former spouse, because federal law does not treat a civil union as a marriage. Ask the plan in writing before you settle, and be ready to take other assets instead.

Does Social Security count our marriage?

A marriage, yes: spousal, divorced-spouse and survivor benefits follow the ordinary rules, including the ten-year marriage needed for divorced-spouse benefits. Social Security also treats a Colorado civil union as a marital relationship, because Colorado gives civil-union partners a spouse’s inheritance rights. And after two class actions, Social Security must consider whether a couple would have married earlier if the law had allowed it before denying survivor benefits.

How are we taxed?

Married couples file jointly or separately, and property transferred between spouses in the divorce is not taxed. Civil-union partners who never married file as single, in Colorado as well as federally, because Colorado’s filing status has to match the federal return, and property transferred between them in a dissolution can be a taxable event. A civil-union settlement with real assets gets a tax review before it is signed.

What happens to my health insurance?

After a divorce, an ex-spouse comes off the other’s employer plan and can usually continue it under COBRA for up to thirty-six months at full cost. A civil-union partner is not a spouse under the federal COBRA law, so continuation depends on the plan. Coverage of a partner who is not a tax dependent is also taxed as income to the employee. Children stay covered through the parent whose plan covers them, and the decree says who pays.

Will a Colorado judge hold my sexual orientation or gender identity against me in a custody case?

The statute says no. The court must strive not to rely on information or recommendations biased by sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression, may not consider conduct that does not affect your relationship with the child, and may not presume either parent is better because of sex. The same rule binds custody evaluators. There is no published Colorado appellate decision on a parent’s gender identity, so the statute is the argument, and it is a strong one.

Can Colorado undo our marriage if the Supreme Court changes its mind?

No. Colorado’s voters repealed the constitutional ban in 2024 and the legislature removed the statutory one in 2025, so Colorado law licenses and recognizes the marriage on its own. Federal law, the Respect for Marriage Act, requires federal recognition of a marriage valid where it was entered. As of September 2026 the Supreme Court has declined to hear the cases asking it to revisit Obergefell.

We have a civil union and now we want to divorce. Should we marry first?

Usually not for its own sake, and never without advice. Marrying merges the civil union into the marriage and counts the civil-union years toward the length of the marriage, and it would make you spouses for federal purposes, which changes taxes, retirement division and benefits in both directions. It is a question for the first meeting, not something to do the week before filing.

Keep reading

Where to go next.

The next page in this chapter, the pages that belong with it, and the blog posts on the same question.

Next in Chapter IV · The Process & After

Name Change After DivorceRestoring a name, changing a child's nameRead it next →

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Two questions decide most of these cases: when the marriage began, and whether the parentage travels. Settle both first.

A consultation is a working session, in person in Greenwood Village or by video: I go through the history of the relationship with you, the ceremony, the civil union, the children and the plans and policies, and tell you where your case differs from the standard one and what I would file first. Your note reaches my office directly; during business hours we call you back within the hour, run the conflicts check, and set the meeting.